Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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