I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
