i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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