Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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