meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
