I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
even my farts smell like vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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