On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
