in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
