Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
