Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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