Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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