im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
