she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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