: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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