He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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