i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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