We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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