ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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