I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
where am i from again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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