That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
