i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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