I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
