my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
