On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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