I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
