shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
