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i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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