i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
