whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
