rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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