There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
