im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
