If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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