How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
