I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
