dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
