if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
