wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
