I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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