i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
