i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didn't notice because vodka
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
