Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
