I accidentally burped into my bong.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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