His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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