Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
