he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
