just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
