So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
