rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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