didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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